Women, if you fake your orgasms please don't feel bad as you are not the only one. A recent study has found that 68% of women either fake or have faked their orgasms at some time. Most women have stated they fake an orgasm during sexual intercourse. Rather than being ashamed or embarrassed, or even angry that some women feel they ought to fake their pleasure, we should understand a woman's needs, wants and desires better.
As someone who offers tantric therapy to women, I am in regular contact with women from many different backgrounds, cultures, and types of relationships.
Below is a personal summary of what I understand are a few of the reasons why some women fake their orgasms. Some women may have different reasons or opinions to the ones below, and this is fine, but these are generally the ones I have come across.
This is certainly not a definitive list by any means.
So Why Do Women Fake It?
When it comes to sex, women want to please their partners. Many women genuinely want to enjoy sex as well as make sure their partner's wants and needs are fulfilled so they have a great time together. However, the catch with this is often women put everyone else's needs ahead of their own.
Many women are sincere in wanting to ensure their partner is made to feel they are loving, competent, and capable of pleasuring them. And yes, there are plenty of men out there with delicate egos who want (need?) to be reassured they are masterful lovers.
Sometimes sex can be robotic, mechanical, boring, or uninspiring, which can get frustrating very quickly. If a woman is not enjoying herself, and the fun and pleasure are not flowing freely, then she may want to get it over with as quickly as possible. If a woman is not receiving the pleasure she wants or is not enjoying the sex she is having, and if she feels like intercourse is never going to end, then she may fake her orgasm to bring the sex act to its natural conclusion.
On occasions, sex may not feel good. Many women can feel dryness, tenderness, pain, or discomfort during penetrative sex. There could be any number of reasons behind this, ranging from the phase of her menstrual cycle to not being sufficiently aroused. Whenever pain is present it is often one of the primary reasons for faking orgasms.
Both women and men are under way too much pressure to perform and last longer during sex. The general perception is sex has to go on and on for as long as possible to prove that we are passionate lovers. Sex ends up becoming a goal-orientated chore and we lose sight of just enjoying the connection and delights that we ought to be receiving and we target all of our focus toward the orgasm we think we should be having.
Porn and Hollywood TV and movies have also imposed unrealistic expectations and impressions on us about women's orgasms during sex. Plenty of women have a difficult time living up to fabricated and unrealistic standards of how they should act and perform for their partners. All of this piles on the pressure and expected effort.
Many women also only know how to reach orgasm from the stimulation of their clitoris. Unless shown or taught how to have a true vaginal orgasm, a lot of women will find it very challenging to reach a full-body climax through manual digital stimulation, the use of a toy or vibrator, or even a penis.
Even if a woman has been able to experience a vaginal orgasm (cervical, A Spot, G Spot, etc) in the past, many things need to fall into place for her to have orgasms regularly. This can include things like mental clarity (no stress), sufficient arousal, foreplay, the right position for penetration to hit her internal pleasure spot, the right sensual pace, and rhythm with her partner, trust, comfort, and, perhaps the most important one, time to practice.
At the end of the day, faking orgasms denies both a woman and a man from enjoying some quality sensual time together and having great sex.
So here are six really easy tips that take the pressure off orgasm so no one needs to be fixated on faking anything.
Once the focus and pressure are off, things can progress more freely and organically, laying the foundations for orgasms to occur effortlessly and naturally.
Tip 1 - Communication
What do you like? What gets you going? Talk to your partner. Tell them what feels good to you, what pleasures you, and what you desire. Allow your partner to do the same. Listen and learn.
Tip 2 - Speak Up
Tell your partner what doesn't feel good or what doesn't arouse you. Be confident enough to tell them to slow down, speed up, or something hurts, etc. Don't be afraid to offer insight, direction, and feedback as your partner is not psychic or a mind reader. Partners, don't take this communication as criticism.
Tip 3 - Take the Pressure Down
Not only take the pressure down but also get rid of it. Simply be present and enjoy being intimate in the moment you are sharing. Connect and embrace the sensations and pleasure you are sharing that you forget all about having an orgasm.
Tip 4 - You Don't Have to Cum to Have Good Sex
Reassure your partner that it is perfectly fine if you don't orgasm every time. Sex and sexual intercourse can be very pleasurable and enjoyable without having an orgasm. Sometimes men find the concept that a woman can enjoy sex without cumming difficult to understand as the male version of sex is very much associated with the conclusive act of ejaculating. So be sure to talk to your partner and tell him there is nothing wrong with connecting, sharing, and savouring pleasure together.
Tip 5 - Breathe
Breathing deeply and slowly helps you to relax and to be present in your body. A steady flow of breath in and out of the body creates an environment where your sexual energy will be able to move more freely, which will increase your awareness and openness to physical sensation and pleasure.
Tip 6 - Just Feel. Don't Think
Switch off the brain and ignore any mental chatter. Just sense and feel. Don't think about doing anything or following any type of game plan or script. Just be open to what your body connects with and how it feels to you.
If you are interested in having better orgasms, or you would like to know more about Tantric therapy for women, please feel free to contact me for more details.
The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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