I am not drawing attention to something I don't already know. I am well aware I am not the most masculine man on this planet. I am not the typical blokey bloke. You can tell this because of what is detailed on my website. I practice Tibetan Reiki, I use crystals, I am spiritual, I work with energy, and I teach intimacy and transcendent connection to singles and couples through Tantra and Taoism.
Childhood Realizations: Breaking Stereotypes
Most of the men I have met throughout my life have been more manly and masculine than me. My brothers are more manly than me. The men I pass by on the street are more manly than me. When I go to the beach or visit the gym, almost every man there is more manly than me.
I have never been that grizzled hyper-testosterone-charged beast of a man that oozes Viking-like berserker warrior appeal.
Now if I gauged my level of masculinity by these conventions (or projections?) of what makes a man and gave myself a score out of ten, I would find myself wallowing around the 2 or 3 mark.
I remember knowing something was a little different with me when I was in primary school. Probably around Grade 6 or Grade 7, so about 12 years of age. We were given the choice of going outside to play sports or remaining indoors to work on a research assignment. I chose to stay in and read books for my assignment.
I thought nothing of my choice at the time until I got into the classroom only to discover I was the only boy who had opted for the assignment. Apart from myself, all the other students were girls. Immediately I thought this was a bit of an odd situation. I remember thinking to myself, "Why aren't there any other boys here? This is a girl's class!"
All the boys had chosen the sports class and were outside. Looking back, it's the more manly to be good at sports. But I had to learn that lesson the hard way. The taunting and the teasing that came my way afterward was relentless.
So, what did I do? I stopped being academic.
I still thought reading, learning and knowledge were the better of the two. But I quit anyway. Because it isn't fun being the boy in school who isn't like the other boys. Well, it certainly wasn't when I went to school. I wasn't happy I chose to do my assignment work, and I wasn't happy I renounced what connected to me. For the first time in my life, I was genuinely torn between what I wanted to do and what I thought I was supposed to do as a man.
Looking back now that moment in my childhood seems so trivial. As small as it may be, it did leave a mark on me. And although I had no way of knowing it at the time, this type of thing would happen many more times during my life. This event just happened to be the first.
Over the next three decades (I was a late starter with all this stuff) I would find myself believing my masculinity was determined by the conventional ideals of manliness.
Meeting My Tantra Teacher: A Paradigm Shift
And then I must have got lucky because a Tantra teacher came into my life. It was she who planted the seeds that transformed my life.
It was through this woman I was first introduced to a way of life where manliness was not characterized by fearlessness, money, status, or big muscles. It was identified by consciousness.
Naturally, I was taken aback by this because it was eye-opening to discover what society and our entire world had been projecting on me all this time was absolute nonsense.
For whatever unknown karmic reason, this was my time to start down a new path, my path.
Truth be told, I did my initial reservations and wariness to these new concepts and new approaches. And some of it sounded like complete nonsense, but something told me to just go with it, and so I did.
I remember my very first lessons on a Saturday morning. I was asked to sit down and sit across from my teacher. She instructed me to carefully start to coordinate our breathing so that our breaths matched each other, and to give attention to its flows and the energetic space between us.
Our eyes locked.
I was astonished. In the space of only one morning, I found myself deep within an incredibly intense and profound experience, one that I would come to recognize and warm to regularly as I journeyed further down my path.
What I came to notice when in this type of situation with my teaching partner was that it wasn't my physical body connecting with her, charging her feminine energy. It had nothing to do with my skin, my hair, my facial features, or even superficial features like the clothes I was wearing or what type of job I had. In this state we were in together, she could not care less about any of that twaddle.
What was unlocking her - making her relax, softening her body, allowing her heart to open, to trust, and to give in to me wholly - was my masculine energy and my consciousness. This was my real masculine.
This was my manliness.
The Power of Consciousness in Masculinity
It was at this point in my life – and for the very first time – that I came to understand this aspect of my Self exists outside of any biological identity or gender label, beyond all societal conventions and labels, and is fundamentally what I am. I am this energy. I am this masculine power. I am this. And this is me. And this is my worth and significance as a man.
Up until this moment, I had read many books – so many books – but nothing had prepared me for what was physically taking place before me. This is not something I could ever have appreciated from simply reading words on a page, or even having something telling me. This was something that needed to be shown, to be experienced, to be lived through. Watching a woman melt in front of me was all the demonstration and evidence I needed to appreciate how authentic this was.
I was now changed.
My life was now changed.
My relationships from this point changed.
Living Authentically: Practicing Tantra and Taoism
Ever since then, I have been steadfast in living my life in tune with this practice. Each day I practice. Each day I connect. Each day I read and study to better understand these ancient traditions and learn how to best innovate their philosophies.
Challenging Conventional Beliefs: Beyond Gender Norms and Expectations
It is often way too easy for people to conclude that this is all about sex or seeking out casual intimate relationships. I feel sad when I hear such things as people truly are limiting themselves, their experiences, and their capacity to lead fuller lives by holding on to such constrictive beliefs. These practices can be successfully carried out by anyone, man, or woman, no matter their age, background, attractiveness, or social status.
Also, these practices are about the journey and about the discovery of yourself and who it is you are. It is about journeying past all the shame, the restrictions, the negative dogma, the social constraints, the generic conventions, and beyond your genitalia.
I know the things I write about may some fanciful to many, but until you allow yourself to fully experience the depth of our consciousness, my words will forever come across as nothing but dreamy and made-up mumbo jumbo.
There is much that can be said against convention and living a life that is rigidly devoted to its adherence. Often, though, it is our unwavering commitment to conventional ideas that may make many of us unhappy and unsatisfied. Many of us know it, we can feel it inside of us somewhere, which is why we feel frustrated and unfulfilled with our lives at times.
But if living a conventional life works a treat for you, great, I honestly wish you nothing but happiness.
That said, if you feel deep down that conventional life isn't for you, please rest safe in the knowledge this is an acceptable state to be in and there is a deeper truth out there waiting for you.
All that is expected from you is that you a conscious – which you would have to be otherwise you wouldn't be reading this article – and have a readiness to reveal that depth with those you love.
Paying it Forward: Gratitude and Transformation
A series of events all took place in unison and these were instrumental in altering my life forever, and for the better. None of these changes happened overnight and it has been an ongoing discovery and learning experience ever since.
I am infinitely indebted to the women, my teachers, and the great masters of times long since passed who have transformed my life and enriched my world.
My one wish is that I may continue to pay that debt forward into the future.
The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and this Website disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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