Having body confidence and learning how to love your body is an important step in connecting with a partner, having a better personal relationship, and intimate love life. If you are like most people, nearly all of us at some stage have struggled with things such as body confidence, our self-image, how we look, and what makes us happy about ourselves when we look in the mirror.
Let's not attempt to joke around here. As much as we may like to believe in self-appreciation, self-compassion, and self-love, most everyday people – even glamourous models like those seemingly perfect Instagram influencers – at some point in their lives struggle with their relationship to a part of their body or even with their entire physical appearance.
Project Positivity: Appreciating Beauty in All Body Shapes and Sizes
This comment will come as somewhat of a surprise, but it is normal to wish that a part of your body was different or was your version of perfect. This could mean wishing something was firmer, tighter, perkier, flatter, more toned, harder, thinner, or softer, not so oily, even more muscles, maybe fewer muscles, less fat, less hairy, and not so floppy.
Just because you would like it to be different from what it is doesn't automatically mean that anything is genuinely wrong, vulgar, imperfect, or unappealing about you, it is simply your mind talking to your desire.
Turn Negativity Around and Transform Body Criticisms into Love
Even if your body positivity and personal self-image are sky high and you think the world of yourself, chances are you still have a little voice inside your mind that is your personal negativity whispering to you about how great things could and would be if only you could do something about your appearance.
When we find ourselves listening to this inner voice, we can end up feeling less of ourselves when it comes to our looks, which has the potential to quickly escalate into how we perceive ourselves as a person and how much enjoyment, intimacy, and pleasure we allow ourselves to experience from our partners and our love life as a whole.
Perhaps you actively avoid certain erotic scenarios such as you don't let your partner see you fully naked, or you make such the lights are always dimmed down or switched off because you believe in your mind the way you look isn't attractive enough.
Perhaps you evade any type of sexual play because you are self-conscious about your bottom, breasts, belly, or genitals.
Perhaps you even shun getting romantically involved with anyone in the first place because of how little you think of your body. By dodging all of this you feel you have found a clever way to make your self-perceived flaws go unnoticed by your lover or others.
Regardless of how your deficiencies in body confidence reveal themselves for you, they are roadblocking any potential of a deeply rewarding and satisfying intimate love life. If you ever want to be truly happy and fulfilled, it needs to change.
Our experiences with our intimate partners, with love and sex, and with pleasure overall are at their finest when we get ourselves out of our heads and into our bodies when we frolic and play carefree, without worry, and completely open and uninhibited. Being confident in ourselves grants us these things.
The following are some steps you can take to start to love your body more. In turn, this will help you have a better intimate relationship and better love life overall.
Listen to What Your Body is Saying
One of the immediate ways you can begin to enhance the relationship between you and your body is to start listening to what it has to say. It can be so easy to live out our lives in our heads, from having information and images pumped into it almost relentlessly by technology, social media, the boss at work, text messages, video conferences, emails, and more so, that we never give ourselves timeout to connect with ourselves and be available to what our body wants to tell us.
Technology can be amazing, but we have to know when to switch it off because the more we pay tribute and worship our heads, the more our bodies begin to feel like persistently overlooked lovers.
To get started with listening and reconnecting with your body, allow yourself the time and space to be open to listening to the message it wants to tell you.
Perhaps you have an ache or some stiffness in a part of your body that has been uncomfortable for some time and you have been putting off making that appointment with a doctor, therapist, or health professional.
Maybe you have been having difficulties with getting an erection or getting wet when you attempt to have sex with your partner because there is a frank and honest conversation that needs to happen that is weighing heavily on your mind and eating you up inside.
Be still. Be quiet. Be open. Listen to your body. Take time to feel it. Notice sensations. Your body wants you to know what it wants you to know.
When you take the time and effort to listen to your body, you will relax, you will drop into yourself more, and you will feel more valuable. In turn, your body will gift you all that it can when it is in its healthiest, happiest, and highly functioning state.
For Every Negative Thought You Have, Find Three Positives
Here's the deal. Each time you have a negative thought about yourself pop into your head, every time you criticise your body, you should immediately find three positive things that you love about your body. Say what these three things are, either in your mind or out loud.
This is something we all do. At some time, perhaps daily, something always comes along that makes us think about ourselves or regard our appearance. It need not be big as some of the deepest criticisms of ourselves can be small.
And when you do catch yourself insulting your appearance or your body, be appreciative that you were able to notice because being able to be self-aware is the first step in rewiring these negative and obstructive thought patterns. The speediest way to counteract the negativity that you have just thrown at yourself is to think of three things you love and are thankful for about your body.
Of course, this is all easier said and done. This type of practice may take some time to perfect because you are attempting to break old habits and form new ones. Yes, it might make you feel stupid doing it, but if you stick with it the benefits really will help connect with and love your body more.
Find Appreciation and Beauty in Other People's Bodies
Whether we criticise other people's physical appearance or their bodies in our minds or out loud for others to hear, what we are doing is subconsciously projecting the criticism we hold for ourselves as well.
When we assess and disapprove of others, it works against us in two main ways. The first way is everything we say, do, and push on to others is a projection of our interior world, and even when we tear others down we are unwittingly bringing ourselves down at the same time. The second is we mistakenly arrive at the notion that if we are critical and negative about others and their bodies, then they simply must be doing the same in return to us, either in their minds or with words.
We can cut this type of condemnatory talk off by going in the opposite direction.
Find appreciation and beauty in other people's physical appearance. They don't have to be "your type" and finding beauty and paying compliments doesn't mean you wish to seek out a relationship or you are being unfaithful, or your thoughts are perverted. Compliments and appreciation, when shared around, make everyone feel better.
Move Your Body
You've got to move it. Remember what I was saying earlier about us living in our heads too much these days? Well, one of the best ways to get out of your head and rekindle your relationship with your body is to get up and move it.
Do whatever appeals to you that is active, fun, exciting, and gets you using your body. This can be anything from a daily walk through a park, hitting the gym, going dancing, playing a sport, getting a personal trainer, or joining an exercise. Whatever you decide on, just make sure it involves moving your body.
When it Comes to Connection Touch It and Feel It
The physical expression of love is touch. This is a fantastic way to learn to love your body more simply by touching it.
There are so many options here. The key is doing things that allow you to be open to touch and be aware of the feelings and sensations that touch provides.
This can be anything from getting a therapeutic massage, cuddling your lover, pleasuring yourself, or being physically connected with your body by tuning in to it and offering whatever type of pleasure or touch it is longing for because it deserves and wants love.
Learn to Ask for What You Want
This is an activity where you get to have the floor and the microphone and ask your lover for whatever you want and desire from them. This could be things such as verbal compliments from them, asking them to tell you what turns them on, cuddles, massages, exploratory or kinky play, and any other type of intimate and erotic play you have enough courage to request.
What is best about learning how to ask for what you need and desire is that it gets you to tune into your body and its requirements. This type of activity is central to helping couples build that mind-body connection that leads to greater affection, closeness, and intimacy.
And that is how you can learn to love your body more. You need to listen to it, swap negative thoughts for positive ones, find appreciation and beauty in others, move, touch, and ask for what you want.
Regardless of how your deficiencies in body confidence reveal themselves for you, they are roadblocking any potential of a deeply rewarding and satisfying intimate love life. If you ever want to be truly happy and fulfilled, it needs to change.
The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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