In one corner we have porn, in the other we have Tantra. If you are seeking intimacy, sexual pleasure, and sensual ecstasy, which one would you choose? Which one offers you a greater physical connection with the opposite sex? Which one shows you how to have better sex and more orgasms?
To be honest with you, I was unsure when I first started on my journey to learn more about Tantra and Tantric therapies. What would I discover? More importantly, what would other people think? Would they be excited or offended?
The subject of sex and talking about it is still very much a sensitive issue (no pun intended) with many people. People tend to be quite conservative and reserved when it comes to sex, with topics about sexual activities, erotic desires and fantasies kept for very much private times between intimate partners only, maybe a few super close friends, if anyone at all. But some people don't have anyone else to share and talk with. Even some people with partners are still not able to openly talk about all things sexual with their intimate other.
Given that some people have no chance to discuss, explore or experience what they want to sexually, no matter if they are single or a part of a couple, they learn to help themselves with the one thing our modern technological world provides in abundance: by viewing porn.
Porn Isn't All Bad
Regardless of the opinions of others, I do not believe porn is dirty, disgraceful, harmful, or naughty, and the same goes for viewing it. In the right context and moderation, that is. If people find enjoyment in spending time on their own watching porn, then that is fine with me. Many people find enjoyment and stimulation in watching porn. Even some couples watch it together to thrill and excite themselves and to add a new dimension to their sex lives.
However, it is well known there are some negatives to watching too much porn. Notably when it reaches a point where it begins to do damage to a person's ability to connect and relate to real-life sexual situations and their perception of what real sex is all about.
At this point, porn ceases to be therapeutic.
Tantra, on the other hand, offers a holistic, natural, and therapeutic approach to sex and sexual pleasure in stark contrast to porn and the commercialization of sex and sexuality.
What is Bad About Porn?
So, what is bad about porn anyway? For me, there are many fundamental issues with porn that can be attributed and highlighted as being harmful to people who watch too much of it and stunt their intimate and personal development with others. Whilst I do not want to focus solely on those issues, four main issues stand out to me.
Looks and Appearances Mean Everything
Porn is all about attracting the eyes and grabbing our attention. It focuses on easy and quick arousal and stimulation. Through porn, we are subconsciously sent messages that sex and our sexuality all hinge on our bodies and what we look like.
According to porn, to have great sex we must be young, fit, hairless, have pert breasts, a tight bottom, and a massive penis with stamina. If not, oh well, you won't get sex and you aren't a good lover. All this does is load up people with buckets of anxiety and other issues surrounding their self-worth and value. Especially for those people who don't see themselves as fitting the porn ideal of young, fit, and beautiful. And even if you are one of those people who match the porn ideals exactly, you still probably find yourself questioning your physical attributes and worrying about your boobs or your abs.
Ultimately, no one walks away from porn feeling happy with their own body.
It Is All About Giving Not Receiving
Porn is mostly about giving something and pleasing the other person, almost always to a man. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to please a sexual partner – man or woman – and having the internal desire to please is a beautiful thing. Although this isn't how things are typically portrayed in porn. It is often presented as being the only thing that is important for the people involved to be satisfied and that bringing that other person to orgasm is the only focus of the sex act.
So, what is wrong with giving and treating your partner to an orgasm? Nothing at all. However, it is the message that is imprinted on our subconscious over time that tells us that it is the only goal of sex between two people. And if you are unable to give your partner the orgasm they want, then there is not much point in having sex. This all leads to things such as performance anxiety and frustration.
Only Connection Through Penetration Is Important
Porn has nothing to do with bonding or connecting with another person. Porn can be broken down into nothing more than scenarios where people meet physically. There is no bonding or connection or intimacy.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having some porn-style sex when the mood strikes you. It is wild, fun, and exciting for everyone. But always try to be mindful about what programming it sends to your brain the more you are exposed to it. Sex can be more than just about getting off.
This Is What Sex Is
The unhealthiest part of it is that porn makes us believe this is what all sex between people is like. It creates a baseline for what is normal. After watching porn, we think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just provides erotic educational material for us, which is why it is so arousing. But it isn't accurate or true at all.
It is startling when you think how many people never reach their full sexual potential or are even aware of their natural sexual abilities. It is like having a pantry in your kitchen where you think the only food items inside are a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. Right, so you get good at making peanut butter sandwiches. The fact is that there are so many more food items inside the pantry and you could make some fantastic meals. But you just don't know.
Porn reconfirms the idea that peanut butter sandwiches are the only meal there is. So we learn to mix up the sandwich making to give it more depth, make it at a different pace, spread it more or less on, cut it in triangles instead of rectangles, swap out smooth for crunchy, anything to keep us still interested in making and eating peanut butter sandwiches.
But we are missing the point.
So what does Tantra do to revolutionize this?
It shows us how full of food the pantry is and then teaches you how to cook and prepare food to make a meal, not just to feed yourself, but with others. Now, what is good about Tantra?
We Are More Than Just a Body
We are so much sexier than just our physical form. When a person is open and sensual they have an aura and a presence that is truly appealing, enthralling, and enticing. They have the power to look you in the eye and ever so gently touch your skin in a way that will leave you mesmerized and yearning for more. You can't wait for them to welcome you into their inner essence where you will breathe together, share energy, and touch each other in ways that will fill your bodies with vibrations and orgasms. What their body looks like is quite extraneous.
Pleasure Is Great When It Is Mutual and Shared
Humans thrive off energetic connections as well as physical connections. When you are touching your partner, and if you are genuinely present and focused in the moment, you will delight and enjoy connecting with your partner's skin every bit as much as they will. Your partner will be able to sense that your touch is real, is from the heart, and has meaning. Your touch will feel very different than if you were simply doing it as something to please them or just to make them happy.
When you are honestly able to be present in the shared moment, there will be an energetic discharge from your body – fingers, lips, anything – into your partner's body. As your partner consumes and embraces this, then the pleasure cycle will spin and come back around to you, creating a vortex of sexual energy swirling between both of you. Who is the giver and who is the receiver will no longer have any meaning.
Connection Is The Key
We are made to connect with others on a very deep and intimate level. We don't like when we are with someone and there is no connection or there is no "spark". When we do click and feel that connection with someone, everything in our lives starts to feel better. Anxiety washes away. Depression lifts. We feel energized and revitalized. We open our eyes to the wonders of the world. We feel warm with a sense of contentment and happiness that isn't there when we are alone.
With Tantra, everything starts with a connection. This is the key to all satisfying sexual play. It is like you first have to plug in the connection cable into each other before the sexual energy can flow.
Sex Can Be a Multi-Dimensional Experience
When we are fully present in the moment and we bring and give everything that we truly are into the intimate experiences we share with others, then we journey from simply having sexual intercourse to having blissful sexual delight through our minds, emotions, feelings, passion, presence and so many other dimensional levels. We don't control them as they simply connect and explode with the sexual energy present.
The most astonishing thing is that none of this requires any magic tricks, expensive medicines, or special training. You don't need to be a tantric sex guru who has attended endless weekend workshops or possesses swanky sexual abilities. All of this is unbelievably natural and resting dormant inside us all. We just need to switch it on.
Will Tantra Ever Beat Porn?
Probably not. But the point isn't for it to beat anything or obtain supreme victory. Human beings love sex. Sex makes the world go around. Our sexual desire is an incredibly powerful thing. Wanting sex and having sex are what keep us alive. And honestly, watching other people have sex can be very arousing. What is important is moderation.
Tantra is capable of healing the relationship and intimate connection between real people in the real world.
Learning how to be intimate and how to have wonderful sex with others allows us to have amazingly nourishing and fulfilling relationships with the people we connect with. We feel more profound connections and our intimate encounters do rebuild us and make us feel great about ourselves. Tantra is much more therapeutic than just sex.
So porn will always be here, but, for many of us, the dependence on it can fade in time, because once you start experiencing the opposite side of sex, your real potential, real intimacy, and the sexual pleasures that we are designed to enjoy, the porn will no longer own you. It will never be able to live up to the wonderful experiences you are having in the real world.
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The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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