A part of any Tantric therapy, intimacy coaching, or sexual healing exercise requires the setting of healthy boundaries when it comes to getting the most out of any type of relationship work. The setting of boundaries not only establishes the line between what is acceptable and what is not, but it also keeps you, the client, safe and protected.
No one ever really teaches us how to have sex. True, we all get subjected to various types of sex education, but these are either impersonally biological, or rushed and glossed over by someone who would rather be anywhere else on the planet than giving “the talk” at this moment, or somewhere between these two. After that, we are all just meant to somehow figure it all out ourselves. What then transpires from here is a whole range of outcomes, all because we never got off to a good start.
On one end, some people may end up with feelings of dissatisfaction, disconnection, and inadequacy from their partners because of what was implanted into their minds about sex. Others may experience embarrassment, shame, or even trauma at everything little thing that pops into their mind about their sexuality. Then there are those who have lived through distressing and painful sexual experiences such as abuse, intimidation, and rape, and who need dedicated counselling and support to work through their deeply traumatic experiences.
This is where Tantric sexual healing - particularly hands-on bodywork treatments - can be a wonderful and powerful tool in aiding people to overcome their traumas, their setbacks, their blockages, as well as other challenges holding them back inside the bedroom and out. The setting of clear and healthy boundaries with any type of work surrounding intimacy or sexual issues is essential.
Sadly, this type of professionalism can often be absent with some providers, which leaves many clients in a worse state than before.
During my Tantra sessions, I empower people to use their pleasure as a tool for their transformation. Through this, we can release any blocked energy or emotions such as mental hang-ups or physical pain to replace them with sensation and pleasure, which helps with overcoming sexual challenges and obstacles.
Just as a hands-on approach to bodywork and sexual healing can do great good, it also has the power to do great harm. All too often clients are taken into places they are not yet ready to venture into and some service providers take advantage of their position and exploit exposed and vulnerable people for their gratification and satisfaction.
Given the delicate and deeply personal nature of intimacy and sex work, the setting of clear, solid, and healthy boundaries is critical in supporting clients in receiving the very best outcomes from this type of therapy.
At the time of writing, there is no mandatory set of rules for intimacy or Tantric work, nor is there any regulatory board or government policy detailing the required standards or set of ethics. Unfortunately, many people are likely to come across providers who will give them a negative experience. All I can suggest is that if you are considering engaging with a provider you do your homework and your research to make sure they are someone you can trust.
The following are some of the self-set boundaries that I have chosen to adopt and implement in my professional practice. It is by no means exhaustive or the only way to go, and other providers may work to a different set of boundaries to these. It is, however, what works for me.
Confidentiality At All Times
In emails and sessions, people often share things with me they haven't shared with anyone else, in some instances even their long-term partner. Everything that is communicated and shared with me I treasure and hold in complete confidence. Nothing is ever shared without express permission from the client.
Fostering and maintaining confidentiality is essential and vital to building trust between all parties and for our work together in a safe and non-judgmental space.
Setting Clear Boundaries
Before any session, I always ask my client about their boundaries and areas on their body they are currently experiencing pain or do not wish to be touched. I then run through my boundaries for the session: one-way touch only, no kissing, no oral sex, no intercourse, and I also remain fully clothed. My clients are invited to experience the profound act of completely receiving without the need or worry to return anything back.
This can be a potentially potent and awakening place for some people to be in because, for the first time in their lives, they are not expected to give anything back to another person. To be able to simply receive is a unique healing experience for many people.
This is why I am so focused on my sessions being one-way touch only. If a client feels the need to reach out and ground themselves to a person, or reach out and touch my arm or knee, that is fine, but if I sense they are attempting to give back to me in any way, I will softly redirect their hands away.
I Don’t Date or Have Sexual Relationships With My Clients
This may be stating this obvious but to maintain the utmost professionalism, you need to be certain I am not using the umbrella of Tantra or sexual healing for my sexual fulfilment or to manipulate people into having sex with me and crossing their boundaries.
I am accessible when it comes to offering love, understanding, and support for clients through their individual experiences, but I do not fall in love or form intimate relationships with clients.
It is perfectly natural to feel sexually aroused and desire further sexual play once things begin to heat up and pleasure moves throughout the body. However, the Tantric healing that I offer is fundamentally based on teaching you how to tap into and use your sexual energy so that you can reach a deeper state of erotic surrender and sexual empowerment. To push past this and have a sexual union would only muddy and complicate the education process.
I do not engage in romantic, erotic, or plutonic relationships with current clients and those persons who have visited me professionally within the past two months. Two months is a sound cooling-off period from any sexually charged session and gives the mind time to regain clarity and focus.
My Service is to Awaken You and Aid Your Healing
My role in any engagement is that of a facilitator and guide for you on your awakening experience and healing journey. None of my sessions are about me and my desires and needs and having these satisfied. I am here to support and offer what I know. My wants and needs are met outside of my sessions in my personal relationships.
I draw attention to this point because I have heard countless stories from people about other providers who exploit this very deep and sensitive experience of sexual healing to persuade their clients that having sex with them will be beneficial for their healing and recovery when it is nothing more than an attempt to get their own need met.
Providers such as myself, along with other healers such as coaches, therapists, and medical professionals, need to keep the roles of client/healer distinctively apart given the immense position of power they have over those in their care.
Creating a Safe Space and Container
When clients enter my treatment room, I welcome them into a safe energetic container that will support and encourage their exploration of energies, emotions, and physical awakenings. Whilst I am available to my clients to help them explore themselves in loving and intimate spaces, I am not available to fall in love with them. I always look to direct clients' emotions of love to themselves or their current or future partner.
Yes, I have had clients will in love with me in the past, but my space is a very strong container and I do communicate the notable differences between the energy of love, the emotion of love, as well as infatuation.
I Keep My Attractions and Emotions in Control
I am human. I have emotions, feelings, and people I am attracted to just like everyone else. If and when I find myself attracted to a client, I will communicate this, if it is appropriate, with them or remove myself from the client/therapist relationship.
To demonstrate or perform certain healing techniques, I can sometimes get into energetically intimate positions, or my touching technique will need to be shown in greater detail or be more interactive to convey an explanation further. These actions are always performed to educate and enlighten, and never to mean that I wish to take things further. These, however, are exceptions and I am always mindful to not make them the rule.
Maintaining Professional Boundaries Always
These boundaries, while not extensive, do help keep both myself and my clients clear as to what the professional relationship is and how it lays healthy restrictions to facilitate profound experiences and transformations in my sessions.
I hope that these boundaries provide some assistance for you when preparing your boundaries when visiting providers of these types of services.
There is no right or wrong way to formulate personal boundaries, but I believe if providers keep the well-being of their clients in mind, and clients are aware of their power to set expectations, we are much more likely to unlock greater and more powerful healing experiences.
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The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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