Would you like to know how you can have better sex? Would you like to improve your sexual satisfaction? Forgetting about the act of sexual intercourse for the moment, but when was the last time you gave serious thought about your pelvic region? That's right, your pelvis, the area between your navel and the top of your thighs.
The Importance of Pelvic Awareness for Better Sex
Most of us can go days and weeks without even thinking about our pelvis. Short of some type of injury, pain, or medical procedure, a lot of people could even go years without giving their pelvis any sort of attention. We pleasure ourselves down there, that's for sure. And our partners play a lot down there as well. Apart from that, and perhaps washing over it in the shower and covering it with clothes, most of us have no relationship with the pelvis at all.
This type of relationship, however, has considerable repercussions. Where attention and energy go, so do enlargement and growth. What you ignore and disregard withers and declines.
Signs of Pelvic Numbness and Deadness
This should come as a complete shock. When the whole area of one's body is overlooked, significant implications are bound to manifest sooner or later. There is no textbook definition of absolutes as to what you will or won't experience. It could range from your libido switching off, loss of desire, soreness, stiffness and inflexibility, feelings of insensitivity and numbness, inability to get or maintain an erection, lack of lubrication in the vagina, and a swathe more symptoms that all lead to less than satisfactory sexual experiences.
I've Become so Numb
Where once your genitals and pelvis came alive from sensual touching and pleasure, they now feel numb and deadened. This does not have to be extreme such as no feeling or response to touch at all. Often it is a subtle and delicate loss of sensation and feeling over time, where numbness creeps up slowly without you really being aware of it.
Your body is alive all the time. Your body is always processing and moving, pulsating, and twitching. It might take you a little while to do this, but you can train yourself to be more sensitive and aware of the sensations your body is emitting. These sensations can be both internal and external. Try giving yourself a few quiet minutes alone to tune into your body and what you can feel. Be open to everything. Your hair, your skin, the beating of your heart, your lungs expanding and contracting, your belly digesting, even how your toes feel inside the socks you are wearing.
Often people can train themselves to feel more like this in all parts of the body. But ask them to do the same with their pelvic area and the common response is it is less sensitive than other areas. In some worst cases, the pelvis can be described as numb, even a heavy nothingness, in comparison to, say, the skin on the arms or legs.
Emotional Experiences and Causes of Pelvic Disconnection
It can be an emotional experience for people when they first discover this and what they are missing. The good thing is that once you are aware and alerted to your lack of sensation and feeling in this area, the problems you have been having with your sex life and sexual satisfaction can be seen in an entirely new light. The reasons behind your sexual problems now start to make sense. It is amazing to think this one section of your body has the potential to influence your lived experience.
It is a deficiency in neuronal connections that results in this numbness in the pelvis region. The sexual organs of both men and women are designed to be intricately sensitive to touch and sensation, but if you don't intentionally connect to this area very often your brain isn't going to see much point in building any long-lasting signal wiring.
It's Always the Little Things
Many things in our daily lives and upbringing bring about this disconnection between our brain and our pelvis, leading to all the complications just described. There could be one main thing, or it could be a series of things that all add little weighty pieces over time. These causes could be emotional, mental, cultural (sex is bad, sex is dirty, etc), patriarchal, religious, as well sexual trauma from incidents such as abuse, bad relationships, rough sex, harassment, and rape.
When all the feedback around you and being channelled into your brain – spoken, unspoken, and written – hammers home the emphasis that your sexuality is shameful or wrong, then you are eventually going to start automatically believing it to be so. When you go through several years, perhaps even an entire lifetime, being directed to turn your back on your sexuality until marriage or even reject it completely else wise you will be outcast and shunned by your family, friends, and local community, you are going to detach yourself from this "bad thing" as much as you can.
Even those people who can claim they grew up in a pretty open and positive home environment are still likely to be impacted to a degree because they still were exposed to spheres of influence in other places such as at school, sporting clubs, work environments, and so on. These types of people may not be directly aware of it because they don't have a childhood of negativity or an "inciting incident" they can point the finger at.
It Doesn't Have to Be This Way
Regardless of how it came to be, the is no rule that says it must be this way.
True, you may now be aware and switched on, and you know you are feeling less than before, or are numb and shut down. With the right focus and intention on your body and your sexuality, your feeling and sensation will be able to grow again. And when it comes back and starts growing again, that is when wonderful things happen.
When there is more connection and a better relationship between you and your pelvis, there will be more pleasure available to experience and enjoy, which also means you are embracing all there from your lived experience. Pleasure is nourishment, it enriches the body and promotes happiness and joy. The more of those "feeling good" vibes you can get into your body, the more your life will fill with greater aliveness, enthusiasm, and vitality, regardless of everything else in your world that isn't perfect.
With more pleasure coming in and all the gifts it generates with it, when your sexuality comes alive you are in a better position to connect with it as well as the delicate sensations of your entire physical body – including your pelvis – to begin to repair whatever past trauma that caused you to shield yourself and perhaps is still lurking within you. This is where sexual healing can work its magic.
Reconnecting with Your Pelvic Area
Sexual healing works wonders by encouraging you to focus on subtle sensations in your body, not always exclusively sexual. It is being aware and open to what you are feeling that is crucial in the healing process. Every little feeling and sensation that is awakened and comes back online produces threads that you can follow to feelings and memories buried deep inside you. By permitting yourself to feel what you stopped yourself from feeling before, your hurt and trauma softly unfold. In some serious cases more focused and powerful therapies - even multiple therapy types - may be required depending on the gravity of the specific trauma but rekindling your personal relationship with your pelvis can be an influential first step on the path to resolving it.
Discovering and exploring your sexuality and sexual energy can have a deeply spiritual effect on you. Kundalini - the dormant, sleeping potential power in the human body that dwells at the base of the spine – is thought by many to be the source of pure energy. When you can acutely concentrate on liberating your sexuality and reconnecting the bond with yourself and your pelvis, you are readying both your physical and auric bodies for Kundalini to be awakened, unleashed, and rise up from your spine. This awakening of Kundalini is an incredibly moving sacred and personal experience where you will never be the same person once it has happened.
It matters little whether you are way ahead on repairing your connection and relationship with your sexuality and sexual energy, just starting your journey, or even what it is you wish to heal, overcome, or experience. What matters most is expanding your connection to your body.
How to Build and Strengthen Your Body Connection
Relax. Let calmness flow over you. Take a couple of deep breaths, very slowly, and simply ground yourself in the moment. Give attention to your body. What can you feel? Remember, it doesn't have to be big. Even just a subtle breeze on your arm is still feeling. Simply be present.
In your mind picture a scanner going up and down your body, inside and out. Focus on any areas where you detect even the slightest feeling or sensation. This feeling could even be in your mind like an "I am worried what I might find doing this" type of sensation. Thought is real.
When you discover a feeling or sensation, speak a few words that best describe it, where it is and what it feels like to you. Try not to over analyse it or go into lengthy detail. Whatever comes to mind immediately is often the most accurate.
Now shift your focus to your pelvis. Just your attention is needed at this time, so don't touch down there. Imagine what it looks like inside the world of your pelvis. Imagine what your internal anatomy looks like. As you move through your pelvic region, through the skin, tissue, and muscle, through the bones, your ovaries, your uterus, and your bladder, describe in words what you are feeling. "I feel a heavy weight on my cervix. I feel a swelling in my bladder. I feel an ache at the base of my penis."
Let's not forget that numbness is a valid feeling and sensation as well. And if you are carrying trauma and just beginning this exercise, you are more than likely going to want to say you feel numb, which is perfectly understandable. Numbness does not mean you are a failure, or you haven't done this exercise correctly. Keep practising, set your intention to connect with your body, and the feeling and sensations will start to come back in time.
Also, while you are placing your attention on your pelvis, your body, and the feelings and sensations, don't be alarmed if unanticipated emotions such as anger, fear, regret, or sadness pop up out of nowhere. Our bodies hold onto emotions and push them deep down, so when they bubble up to the surface during healing work such as this, let them do so freely. And if you need to, please do cry, and let any tears out.
Looking to the Future
As you get more confident and more attuned with tapping into your feelings, your body, your pelvis, and your sexual organs again, the way you embrace and hold on to your presence becomes the underpinning for your entire existence and life force. Your sexuality and sexual energy link you're your physical body to become the foundation for all that you are.
Further down the line, and all in good time, things such as sexual pleasure and orgasms can be elevated, heightened, and made more intense, almost ethereal.
All of this can come about by starting the healing process with your pelvis first. Be aware of it and connect with it. And then see what grows from it and where it takes you.
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The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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