There is an easy way for you to connect with your sexuality. You can do this no matter if you are single, have a partner, or even if you are part of a couple, but I mainly want to call attention to the single people here. Often when the subject of sexuality is discussed, many people like to conclude that if they are not in a relationship then somehow they are sexually on ice or in hibernation mode, and their sexuality will remain asleep and only activated once again when the right person comes along. This approach is so wrong. Being unattached and unpartnered is the perfect space for you to get back in touch with yourself and reconnect with your body, energy, and sensation.
The Power of Affirmative Thinking in Reconnecting with Your Sensuality
It all starts with affirmative thinking and the word 'Yes'.
One of the fundamentals of love and relationships is that you should learn to love yourself first before you can ever expect anyone else to. As cliched as that saying is, connecting with and feeling love and the flow of love through your own body, is the pivotal first step to opening your body, your energy, and your consciousness. And it is the relationship you develop with love when you are single and just you that will help it blossom down the track when others come into your life.
Many people, both women and men, can go through life feeling disconnected from their physical bodies. In some instances, it is not unusual for some people to say they are incapable of feeling like their bodies are insensitive or even numb when it comes to receiving touch, pleasure, and sensation.
There are many reasons why this may be the case, with common causes being things such as abuse, bad relationships, anxiety, depression, and shame. It is because of a negative experience, or experiences, in their past that many people subconsciously protect themselves from future harm by disconnecting or separating themselves from their bodies.
To counteract this state of being and to get more sensation and pleasure flowing through the body once again, one can start by changing their mindset by inserting some assertive and positive viewpoints. The easiest way to do this is to start using the word 'Yes'. 'Yes' is a positive word used for an affirmative answer or decision and injects confidence and conviction whenever it is said. You can use other positive words that have a similar meaning – like 'Certainly', 'Sure', 'Okay', 'Agreed', or 'Yeah' – but 'Yes' is super simple, super easy, and super powerful.
Overcoming Disconnection: Using 'Yes' to Awaken Your Body and Energy
This proves encompasses you being aware of your body and whatever you are feeling. When there is a feeling and you bring attention to it, you are connecting with your body and being present in your moment. The feeling need not be pleasure or sexual, it is just as good to sense an itch, a stiffness, even discomfort. What is key is being aware of your body and able to engage with it to create a new experience for yourself, a feeling experience.
From this, we want to inject some positive association with what you sense and feel in your body. So you may, for example, notice some tenderness in your knee, but you find there is some humble pleasure in extending your leg out and in again. Or might have a little stiffness in your lower back. By doing a few gentle stretches, that stiffness melts away and you begin to feel loose and limber again. These are positive, pleasurable sensations that you should be saying 'yes' to. When you do them say the word 'yes', either in your mind or out loud.
Sure, you may feel somewhat embarrassed leaning and stretching and whispering 'yes' to yourself the first couple of times but do your best to stick with it. Over time you will hopefully find yourself placing more and more attention on different parts of your body, discovering enjoyable sensations and feelings, and unlocking more opportunities to be present with yourself and in your moment.
Even though there may be times when you feel compelled to focus on the negative or on something that doesn't make you happy, try and turn your attention over to something – just one thing even – that feels pleasant. This one thing need not be massive. It could be something so simple as the flow of your breath in and out, or even the way the hairs on your arm twitch from a cool breeze.
Once you have done this exercise a few times, please take a moment to reflect on what happened and what feelings you were aware of. Did you connect with any sensations? Did you feel anything moving through your body? Were there any pleasurable parts at all? Remember, the experience need not be major and even the slightest connection can be an excellent step forward. No matter what you felt, or didn't, it is okay, and things will process in good time.
Be sure to notice if you begin judging yourself or start inserting criticisms about not doing this exercise properly or not getting anything out of it because you are too broken, and so on. If excuses, disappointment, and fear start to creep in, acknowledge them, and then send them away with love. It can be all too easy to slip into self-criticism mode and become solely focused on our perceived failures and negative thoughts and feelings and have these swirling around inside our bodies. If left unchecked, this has the potential to convert the relationship we have with our bodies into a war zone. By using affirmative thinking and speaking 'yes' we hope to turn this relationship back around towards enjoyable sensation and pleasure.
None of this will happen immediately. And it isn't likely to happen after a week either. This type of change to our way of thinking and reconnecting with a body we have been disassociated with for so long while taking some time to establish connections and links. The positive is that change will come through intention and practice.
Work on exploring your physical body, give attention to your breathing and just be awake to what you are feeling until you discover a position or an exercise that does give you positive sensation or pleasure. When you find it and feel it, say 'yes' to it and acknowledge it. There is no set time limit on this as we are all different in different bodies. Your discovery could take days or weeks, for others it might be weeks or months. Maintain faith in the process and belief in yourself.
Love Yourself First: Building a Strong Foundation for Sensual Connection
The next level to expanding your relationship with your body and connecting with your sexuality involves going deeper within yourself. Whereas before you could perform the exercises at work, at home, or in public, this time you need to find yourself some private space where you will not be interrupted or disturbed. At the same time, this space should be one where you can feel comfortable, can relax, and be free from things such as clutter, outside noise, and so on.
Though there is no set time limit on this exercise, beginners should aim for around five to ten minutes initially until they get content with the process, extending out from there at their discretion.
Connecting with Pleasure: The Journey into Deeper Self-Awareness
Here are the steps…
Get yourself into a position that you are most comfortable with. This can be seated in a chair or reclining on the floor or bed. You should find a place so your body can find it easy to be open and relaxed.
Close your eyes. Place your focus on your feet. Starting from the soles of your feet, place attention on every part of your feet. This means every bit of skin, the bones, all your toes. Even twiddle your toes and gently shake your feet. With your movements and feelings as they come through, align your focus with the word 'yes' as you sense things.
Now you should turn your attention to your breathing. What is your breathing doing when you start moving? Is it deep, shallow, or are you holding it? Slowly start to breathe in with long, deep breaths, guiding the air down inside your body and down to the bottom of your belly. Pay attention to what you feel.
Shift backing to feeling into your body, moving up now from your feet and toes and into your calves, knees, and thighs. Is there anything stiff or stuck through here? Is there anything you wish to move on to? Does anything need to relax and melt? What needs to change so that you can begin to feel pleasure here?
As you answer these questions, return your focus to your breathing. Continue that slow and steady pattern of deep and full inhales and exhales.
Please do not rush with this exercise. Take all the time you need as there is no end goal. Ask yourself is there anywhere in your body that you can feel pleasurable? If you can find it, shift your attention to it.
When you have found your pleasure spot, and this can be anywhere in your body, return to your affirmative mindset and say 'yes' to that pleasure. Say 'yes' and that you would like more of this, please.
Centre yourself more on this pleasure spot. Is it growing in size? Is it moving? Are you feeling more or less of it? Are other parts of your body awakening just like it? Permit whatever happens to happen. Remember, even feeling nothing doesn't mean you aren't achieving something. Continue to feel and breathe.
Whenever you find new spots and new sources of pleasure, let out another 'yes, more please.' Picture in your mind that with every positive statement, your pleasure spot swells and spreads, and wherever it spreads into, then that starts to feel good as well. And when this new area starts to feel good, then let out another 'yes, more please.'
Now you may fully submerge yourself into your feeling and breathing exercise as deep as you wish to go. Feel free to explore, discover, and connect with as much of yourself as your desire until your session ends.
Now Reflect on Your Experience
How did this experience go for you? Did you find yourself lost in your moment at all? Did you find yourself glad the time ran out? Or were you wanting to stay with yourself and explore more? These are simply conscious reflections, whatever your answer is unique to your experience and your experience alone.
If you did connect with any pleasure, how did this make you feel? Equally, if you did not find any pleasure at all, what do you think was blocking or stopping you from feeling more? What was standing in the way of you feeling greater pleasure in your body? Was it something in your mind? Was it another person? Was it an injury or an illness? Was it an external source such as demands at work or thinking about what your children are getting up to? If you were able to identify an obstacle to pleasure, is there anything you can do to dissolve or remove it the next time you do this exercise?
Don't judge yourself harshly when answering these questions. Use this time of self-reflection to inspire and motivate you to continue to rebuild the relationship between yourself and your body. What your relationship with your pleasure is today does not have to be the same tomorrow or the next day. What you do walk away from this experience with may offer some insights as to how you connect with, give, and receive pleasure in intimate relationships and during sex.
What this type of exercise does is highlight your existing relationship with your body and pleasure. How you love yourself, both emotionally and physically, and how much pleasure you let into yourself, will be a reflection of the love and pleasure you will be open to receiving and feeling from an intimate partner. You need to love yourself first if you ever wish for someone else to.
Bridging Self-Love and Intimate Connection: Unveiling Your Sensual Potential
Once you can bridge this relationship and be fully aware and connected with your body and pleasure, then what you experience and feel in your own body will unite and expand infinitely with that of your partner.
Likewise, if you lack connection, are suppressing your feelings, or are unable to open yourself fully to your pleasure, then your partner's energy and pleasure will mirror yours, resulting in you both being mutually limited when attempting to reach your highest potential when it comes to accessing and embracing pleasure.
When we set our intentions to nurture and enrich our openness to accept love in all its forms - energy, feeling, sensation, touch, pleasure – and receive them fully, we are then able to live a life that is filled with love. But you need to do your part and develop your relationship with yourself first. Look to install your affirmative thinking and be at ease with proclaiming 'Yes, more please.'
Look to do this regularly, look to make this a part of your daily routine.
The information contained above is provided for entertainment purposes only. The contents of this article are not intended to amount to advice on your personal situation and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. The Writer and Shoshin Therapies disclaim all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.
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